Dearest diary: Last night I went on a real bender, and this morning I paid for it dearly. I swear I puked up my left lung. You know diary, Jesus never suffered as much as I have.
I'm thinking of throwing a tea party. Is that done anymore? I really don't know. But maybe it's due for a comeback, like Crystal Pepsi or something. All I know is I want a lot of pink frills. And maybe I can rent some lions or something. Does that make sense? Honestly diary, I wouldn't know anymore. I feel like I just woke up out of some kind of coma.
There's not many things that I would lose a friend over, but there are a few. One is if you have an affair with my husband. Two is if you borrow my hairbrush. Three is if you invite me over to your home and you don't have any white champagne. I'm not picky on the type, but it has to be there for me to drink. Or seriously, I won't be walking on your ugly carpets anymore.
