No. 25

I've come to the realization that I just can't exercise unless someone else does it for me. Also, I'm allergic to rain and toilet paper less than 50 count.

No. 24

I'll tell you one thing, that lawyer I had a fling with so many, many years ago, his breath tasted like charcoal with a hint of blood.

No. 23

Just got back from a sleepover with Oprah and Gayle- it was fantabulous!  Really, you could hardly find more down to earth girls than those two, and I hope to spend a lot more time with them in the future.  Needless to say, we ate a lot of popcorn, and shared some deep secrets, which naturally elicited a fountain of tears that could take the desert out of the Sahara.  Oh, and since they'd just had a spat, Oprah was dishing all the dirt on Steadman. Steadman, what kind of name is that anyways?

More soon, Di.  I've got to go and buy some hors d'oeuvres for a cocktail party I'm having later.  The theme is unicorns in the mist.

No. 22

Confession, Di:  I really enjoy a good bulge in a pair of acid wash jeans.

No. 21

Diary,  I've got to come clean.  I've been in a real tizzy lately- even my extensions are falling out!  See, about fifteen years ago I slept with a man who was well past being my senior in age, for an extended vacation period of time, and now it's come back to haunt me.  Literally. He died a couple of weeks ago, choked on a pretzel or something so unspectacular, and left me in the will.  Can you believe it?  Poor thing probably hadn't updated it since the time of our affair not to remember, and now his children don't know who the hell I am, and oh, pardon my language, Di, but it's just an honest to somebody's god mess.

I'll breath a sigh of relief when it's all over.  I mean, honestly, his pretty pennies don't mean squat to me.  Just as long as I don't wait up with no ghost dad under my bedspread.  If I do, I'll take that bastard for every last crumb he has.  Nobody haunts me, not nobody.